Torchwood Appraisals

I previously posted about how, with Torchwood renewed, the production team should be taking a look at the casting and making some hard decisions. Since Torchwood doesn’t seem to have an HR department, I’d imaging that when the JIC discover Captain Jack hasn’t been keeping up with the appraisal schedule, they’d bring in consultants to write a report on possible staffing changes at Torchwood 3…

Captain Jack

…He apparently holds the view that his team are “outside the Government and beyond the United Nations”. It’s not clear where he believes his budget comes from…

…His unquestionably unique management style, based largely around groping or threatening members of his team and going off to stand on tall buildings, is of dubious efficacy. His team are dysfunctional and disorganised, and he is quite unpopular. One team member describes him as a monster, whilst another shot him in the head….

Recommendation: Harkeness’ experience is invaluable but his leadership qualities are minimal. Recommend he is moved sideways, reporting to a new Torchwood Commander at Cardiff.

Ianto Jones

…generally smart, well organised, and well presented. However, his grasp of the essentials of fronting a covert operation leaves something to be desired, especially in his habit of ordering pizzas in the name of Torchwood…

…Showed poor judgement and reckless disregard for his colleagues…

Recommendation: terminate.

Owen Harper

…His talent in his former profession is clear, but he is currently underused. He has become bored and disaffected. He allows untrained colleagues to conduct autopsies, openly undermines team members, and follows his own agenda…

Recommendation: has great potential, and should be promoted to a position where this can be realised.

Toshiko Sato

…bright, extremely competent technically. But her commitment to the organisation is questionable. She has a strong streak of naive idealism. She also completely misunderstands how ISBN numbers work…

Recommendation: terminate.

Gwen Cooper

…although not particularly intelligent, she is methodical and tenacious. Her training in police investigative procedures could prove useful…

…and the ability to develop an empathetic relationship with subjects. Whilst this can be an asset, it needs to be combined with pragmatism and common sense…

…on secondment from Heddlu De Cymru, providing good cover for covert investigation, something that could be (and isn’t being) expoited…

Recommendation: retain.

The Torchwood Car

…inappropriate, inefficient, just a plain eyesore…

Recommendation: ditch it.

The Writers

Recommendation: Sack them (well, except P. J. Hammond and Jacquetta May).

About Simon Wood

E-learning officer, lapsed mathematician, Doctor Who fan and garden railway builder. See simonwood.info for more...

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